Today, I used one of my ex-coworkers as a reference. She gave a really bad review about me, causing me to miss out on the job opportunity of a lifetime, all because she’s still upset I wore the same dress as her at the company holiday gala 2 years ago. FML
Good thing she didn´t mentioned anything about that you had the same dress though…
Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML
Thats no problem. It would have been worse if that had been correct.
Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I’m suicidal. They’re stretch marks. He won’t believe me. FML
Wait until he sees you have ha bleeding hole between your legs.
Today, my husband had to admit that he lost $5000 on a cryptocurrency scam that some asshole Twitch streamer convinced him to invest in via Twitter. FML
Still,it is just $5000.
Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML
As long as you don´t need to know what he is doing with the orange in the bedroom, you can´t complain.
Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML
Great. Now you wan´t be hearing anything more from that stupid boss again.
Today, I decided to ride my bike for the first time in over a year. It was seemingly going well, until I got to the first hill. As I began to ascend, I was trying a bit to hard and shit my pants, 8 kilometers away from my house. FML
Great. That will be a soft ride home.
Great. Some extra holidays.
Today, I almost paid off my credit card. Then, a couple of hours later, my air conditioner broke. Found out it’s 12 years-old and leaking Freon. I’m going to have to get a whole new unit, which will cost me $6,500 to $10,050. FML
Good thing you had space on your creditcard.
Today, I got home to some mad woman in my yard screaming about pregnancy and rape, and I almost had a heart attack thinking my son was being accused of some terrible crime. Turns out she was accusing my 15-year-old tomcat of impregnating her prize winning white fluff-ball of a cat. FML
Just tell her your cat has good genes for longevity