fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

Good to hear that you are getting comfortable with each other.

Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML

Just book a gynecological examination and you will be good for another year.

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

You should easily just have explained the situation to the safetyguards and they would have let you fly.

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

Just stay were you are. You can stay at a hotel living the good life.

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

Great. You have a place to stay and something to do.

Today, I gave my wife a £55 gin Advent calendar. She gave me a £1 one with chocolates i don’t like. FML

If you get a divorce, half of your stuff will go to you so at least you will get at least half of the gin bottles, and get rid of half of the choclate.

Today, I found out my parents paid my “best friend” to be my friend for the past 7 years. She’s my only friend too. FML

Yea, they couldn´t probably afford another one…
Just don´t think about it when you hang out the next time.

Today, the weird guy with the ‘Elvis in Las Vegas’ haircut-and-sunglasses combo who cleans tables at my work tried to hit on me. This is the most interest any man has given me in a year. FML

At least ha have hair (unless it´s wig).

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend’s house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

Just use your fantasy or your t-shirt.

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

Good thing you wasn´t at that bus. Seems to have a bad driver…