Don´t worry it is not the same thing as if you had oralsex with her.
Today, I found out my husband was faking his leg injury. I caught him out and about walking just fine, hand in hand with another woman. I’ve been caring for him, holding down the bills and taking him to a “at home” chiropractor for the past 7 months. FML
Just tell him you saw him walking just fine, and that you got so upset that you fell and broke your leg, but thank god he is back on his legs now.
Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I’m supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I’ve spent two years in the audition process for. FML
Good thing you can fly and don´t have to walk all the way.
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn’t find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Just give her the toiletbrush some time when she is really tired and about to brush her teeth.
Today, I found out that one of my coworkers, who has been with the company for less than a week, is getting a $7k pay rise. I’ve been with the company for 8 months and still on minimum wage. FML
At least you have got a job.
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I’m terrified of being locked in a room. He didn’t believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom “for a laugh.” I had a panic attack and passed out. FML
It´s good beeing exposed to your fears though…
Today, I went to get Covid test because I had chest pain and shortness of breath. Turns out, I just have depression and anxiety. FML
Yey, you don´t have Covid19. That´s a good thing.
Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML
At least you got to know in advance and not at the expected weddingday.
Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML
That´s effective though. Most people don´t fall and brake their nose until after midnight, spending 6 – 7 hours at the club.