when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, one of my best friends and I both got mail. She got her wedding invites to send out; I got my divorce papers. FML

Don´t worry. Three years from now it will be the opposite.

Today, I had no idea my girlfriend had such a poor sense of humour until I pranked her by hiding a plastic spider in the kitchen, and she broke up with me and asked me to move out. She’s not even arachnophobic, so I don’t get her extreme reaction. FML

A girl with no sense of humour you would be better of without. She had probably been looking for a reason to kick you out for quit some time now.

Today, I got lost in a foreign city while on vacation and couldn’t communicate with anyone, because I didn’t speak the language and no one seemed to be able, or even wanted, to speak to me in mine. FML

Just pretend to be a refugee and ask for asylum and you might get some support

Today, I was running late for work and, in my rush, spilled coffee all over my shirt. When I finally got to the office, I realized I had forgotten my laptop at home. FML

Just plan meetings all the day and you might not need the laptop. Don´t worry about the shirt.

Today, I under-read the gas meter in an attempt to get a lower bill. Too bad it was the move-in read, meaning the starting point was way behind, causing a much higher bill. FML

Just find someone else who is stupid to move in after you who will make the same mistake and you will get out of it cheap.

Today, after moving in with a friend I’ve known for 9 years, I found out he’s going to jail soon, and refuses to work or get a new job, making me unable to pay rent as he eats all my food. FML

After he goes to jail, at least he want eat your food.

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, “I’m fucking horrible, I’m working at Costco,” nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

Just tell her were you work and she will feel better

Today, I accidentally sent a text message meant for my best friend to my boss. The text was about how much I hated my job and my boss’s constant micromanagement. FML

Just send the messages ment for your boss to your friend. That will even it up.

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, “You’re going to need more than that to cover up that face.” FML

You should apreciate the feedback though

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his “one phone call” from prison. FML

Oh, thats cute.