when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I found out that my mom found a paper with my long lost username and password to an old crypto wallet with 17 bitcoins. She’d thrown it in the garbage bin before realising what it was. The bin was empty when I went running to check it. FML

You can still go look at the dump

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML

No worries. Just teach her the same thing and she will find out how fun it is.

Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML

You think your life sucks? Think about the cop that have to strighten this mess out.

Today, I went kayaking with some friends, and I had an empty beer can dedicated to throwing cigarette butts in. After running out of beer, I took a big swig from the only can in my kayak. Twice. FML

No worries. Some nicotine will cheer you up

Today, I found out that my best friend and I are pregnant. This would be much more exciting if my boyfriend wasn’t the father of both. FML

Now you both dump him and get along with your lifes.

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He’s in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

You wasn´t thinking. Next time you will think.

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t suffering from a severe cough as well. I’m terrified to cough again, because I’m running out of clean underwear. FML

Just sit on the toilet coughing. As long as you don´t throw up at the same time you are fine.

Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend’s very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she’d convert me one day. She wasn’t kidding. FML

Good for you.

Today, I went to my husband’s funeral. Not his real one, his rehearsal funeral. He just wants to make sure everything will go according to plan. As far as I know, he is a very healthy 26-year-old. FML

Don´t complain until it´s your funeral and not rehearsal

Today, I watched as a bin man picked up and threw into his truck the bag I foolishly left a few metres from a public bin before I got on the train. That bag contained every document that proves my identity for my new job, my driver’s licence, birth certificate, passport, oh and my wallet. FML

You still have a pen though. Right?