fmylife.com
fmylife.com
- By Anonymous - Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML
- By Anonymous - Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next feb. FML
- By WoofWoof - Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
- By unlucky - Today, I had a migraine. I decided to wear earplugs to block out sound while I slept. I don't usually wear them because they hurt my ears like nobody's business. The one day I wear earplugs, I get robbed. In the middle of the day. Through my own bedroom window. FML
- [spicy] | By Anonymous - Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
- By sal - Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
- By thanks a lot asshole - Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML
- By Bee - Today, I installed a pool in my house. Unfortunately, it was in my hallway. The floors are ruined all through my house, everything smells like mildew and no one is in a hurry to fix it because of Covid lockdowns. FML
- [spicy] | By Anonymous - Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML
- By Anonymous - Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML
- By Anonymous - Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
- [spicy] | By sideGirl - Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML
- By KICKxASSxNINJA - Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
- By faul - Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML
- By Anonymous - Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML