when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I found out that one of my coworkers, who has been with the company for less than a week, is getting a $7k pay rise. I’ve been with the company for 8 months and still on minimum wage. FML

At least you have got a job.

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

Well, if it was a half year performance he didn´t missed that much anyway…

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

Good to know if you need a day of some other time.

Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML

Just sing a song instead.

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a “terrorist” and other names by a customer ‘behind my back’. I made him the best sandwich I’d ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, “Your total is $9.11.” FML

You will probably get a tip.

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I’m dating his daughter. Now I’m concerned what he might do if he finds out she’s pregnant with my child. FML

He will probably hire you again so the child gets an financial safe growth

Today, I found out the time I’d requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn’t fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn’t go. He told me the second part after I’d bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML

Just let your girlfriend go with some other guy.

Today I was at work, went to have a smoke in the designated area and didn’t realise until it was too late that my stomach flu wanted to have a go on the toilet. I stood pacing around and then once it was too late I realised, it wasn’t a fart… FML

Well, there might be a couple of jokes that the designated smoke area is not a toilet but it will be over in a couple of years or so…

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a “talent fee”. FML

Just tell your boss a few interesting facts you learnt about the neighbourhood it will be all good.

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn’t catch the customer. FML

Don´t worry. Now you have one happy customer.