when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

Good to know if you need a day of some other time.

Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML

Just sing a song instead.

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a “terrorist” and other names by a customer ‘behind my back’. I made him the best sandwich I’d ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, “Your total is $9.11.” FML

You will probably get a tip.

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I’m dating his daughter. Now I’m concerned what he might do if he finds out she’s pregnant with my child. FML

He will probably hire you again so the child gets an financial safe growth

Today, I found out the time I’d requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn’t fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn’t go. He told me the second part after I’d bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML

Just let your girlfriend go with some other guy.

Today I was at work, went to have a smoke in the designated area and didn’t realise until it was too late that my stomach flu wanted to have a go on the toilet. I stood pacing around and then once it was too late I realised, it wasn’t a fart… FML

Well, there might be a couple of jokes that the designated smoke area is not a toilet but it will be over in a couple of years or so…

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a “talent fee”. FML

Just tell your boss a few interesting facts you learnt about the neighbourhood it will be all good.

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn’t catch the customer. FML

DonĀ“t worry. Now you have one happy customer.

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because “I’m not paid to automate stuff, I’m paid to work”. FML

Just not tell him, and you can watch funny things on the internet, while your automation-process do the work.

Today, my boss told me to sort and file all the paperwork he’d been randomly shoving into boxes since 2010. Apparently we’re being audited, so he expects me to do eight years of filing in two weeks. There’s enough paper to fully stock a large public library. Two weeks my ass. FML

Just buy a lottery-ticket and if you win you can tell your boss to do the work himself.