when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I watched as a bin man picked up and threw into his truck the bag I foolishly left a few metres from a public bin before I got on the train. That bag contained every document that proves my identity for my new job, my driver’s licence, birth certificate, passport, oh and my wallet. FML

You still have a pen though. Right?

Today, I used one of my ex-coworkers as a reference. She gave a really bad review about me, causing me to miss out on the job opportunity of a lifetime, all because she’s still upset I wore the same dress as her at the company holiday gala 2 years ago. FML

Good thing she didn´t mentioned anything about that you had the same dress though…

Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML

Great. Now you wan´t be hearing anything more from that stupid boss again.

Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I’d woken up from, because it’s been three months since I’ve worked at that call center. FML

Great. Don´t forget to pick up your paycheck.

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a “real n**ga” and “getting bitches and hoes 24/7.” My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

Oh, just apply for another job. Maybe as a pimp so you won´t even have to change your resume.

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, “I like your shoes!” He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

Thats better than if he had said. “Oh great. Wanna fuck?

Today, I found out that one of my coworkers, who has been with the company for less than a week, is getting a $7k pay rise. I’ve been with the company for 8 months and still on minimum wage. FML

At least you have got a job.

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

Well, if it was a half year performance he didn´t missed that much anyway…

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

Good to know if you need a day of some other time.

Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML

Just sing a song instead.