when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I’m so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I’m the pastor. FML

Don´t worry. A divorce might also be a sin according to some doctrines so stealing might not be worse than that.

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed “I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!” I need a new church. FML

Yes you do.