fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today my brother walked in on me while I was using his shaver to trim my pubic hair. FML

Great. Now he knows what you need for christmas.

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

Don´t worry it is not the same thing as if you had oralsex with her.

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn’t find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

Just give her the toiletbrush some time when she is really tired and about to brush her teeth.

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

Great. You have a place to stay and something to do.

Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn’t know I was adopted. FML

Well, now you know. Surprise.

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

Alright then. No problem.

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to “unwanted” in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

They probably didn´t pick up that much of the language when they were there…

Today, I bought my first vibrator, which I have to hide cause my mom is super uptight and thinks all forms of pleasure are immoral. Unfortunately, she found it within 5 minutes of me hiding it and grounded me for a month, but that night, I actually caught her using it. I’m still grounded, hypocritical woman. FML

No problem beeing grounded if there is a vibrator in the house.

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men’s section. Dad said: “You don’t want those, they are for men.” I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: “Men have a penis!” FML

Now you know.

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

That saves you a lot of time though…