Great. Now he knows what you need for christmas.
Don´t worry it is not the same thing as if you had oralsex with her.
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn’t find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Just give her the toiletbrush some time when she is really tired and about to brush her teeth.
Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML
Great. You have a place to stay and something to do.
Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn’t know I was adopted. FML
Well, now you know. Surprise.
Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML
Alright then. No problem.
Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to “unwanted” in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML
They probably didn´t pick up that much of the language when they were there…
Today, I bought my first vibrator, which I have to hide cause my mom is super uptight and thinks all forms of pleasure are immoral. Unfortunately, she found it within 5 minutes of me hiding it and grounded me for a month, but that night, I actually caught her using it. I’m still grounded, hypocritical woman. FML
No problem beeing grounded if there is a vibrator in the house.
Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men’s section. Dad said: “You don’t want those, they are for men.” I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: “Men have a penis!” FML
Now you know.
That saves you a lot of time though…