Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML
Thats no problem. It would have been worse if that had been correct.
Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML
As long as you don´t need to know what he is doing with the orange in the bedroom, you can´t complain.
Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML
Great. Now you wan´t be hearing anything more from that stupid boss again.
Great. Now he knows what you need for christmas.
Don´t worry it is not the same thing as if you had oralsex with her.
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn’t find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Just give her the toiletbrush some time when she is really tired and about to brush her teeth.
Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML
Great. You have a place to stay and something to do.
Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn’t know I was adopted. FML
Well, now you know. Surprise.
Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML
Alright then. No problem.
Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to “unwanted” in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML
They probably didn´t pick up that much of the language when they were there…