when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, one of my best friends and I both got mail. She got her wedding invites to send out; I got my divorce papers. FML

Don´t worry. Three years from now it will be the opposite.

Today, I had no idea my girlfriend had such a poor sense of humour until I pranked her by hiding a plastic spider in the kitchen, and she broke up with me and asked me to move out. She’s not even arachnophobic, so I don’t get her extreme reaction. FML

A girl with no sense of humour you would be better of without. She had probably been looking for a reason to kick you out for quit some time now.

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his “one phone call” from prison. FML

Oh, thats cute.

Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those “If we’re unmarried at 35, we should marry each other” deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I’m not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn’t count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML

It is always great with alternatives.

Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML

Great, now you can file him for hurting you.

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

Next time, just pretend to be a boy, and when your partner comes out as gay you just… surprise…

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML

No worries. Just teach her the same thing and she will find out how fun it is.

Today, I found out that my best friend and I are pregnant. This would be much more exciting if my boyfriend wasn’t the father of both. FML

Now you both dump him and get along with your lifes.

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He’s in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

You wasn´t thinking. Next time you will think.

Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend’s very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she’d convert me one day. She wasn’t kidding. FML

Good for you.