fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

Don´t worry. It might just have been her new boyfriend mention it when the talked about sexual preferences.

Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML

It could have been worse. If she sent the messages because she wanted it to end because she to had a relationship with your boyfriend.

Today, I found out my husband was faking his leg injury. I caught him out and about walking just fine, hand in hand with another woman. I’ve been caring for him, holding down the bills and taking him to a “at home” chiropractor for the past 7 months. FML

Just tell him you saw him walking just fine, and that you got so upset that you fell and broke your leg, but thank god he is back on his legs now.

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I’m terrified of being locked in a room. He didn’t believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom “for a laugh.” I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

It´s good beeing exposed to your fears though…

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

At least you got to know in advance and not at the expected weddingday.

Today, I searched my ex-boyfriend on Facebook while my husband slept. He recently got engaged. I regret everything. FML

You are the one that is married though… And he is not married yet…

Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I’m not pregnant. FML

Nowdays males can get pregnant to…

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

Good to hear that you are getting comfortable with each other.

Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML

Just book a gynecological examination and you will be good for another year.

Today, I gave my wife a £55 gin Advent calendar. She gave me a £1 one with chocolates i don’t like. FML

If you get a divorce, half of your stuff will go to you so at least you will get at least half of the gin bottles, and get rid of half of the choclate.