when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML

At least that wan´t make you pregnant

Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML

Don´t worry, you have another eardrum…

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

You are a bad ass musician.

Today, I tried to remove my contact lens, but it wouldn’t budge. Turns out I was pulling on my cornea. I now have a pool of blood in my eye. FML

Thats why we have two eyes.

Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

Well, you didn´t break your legs so you could still try that leg exercise.

Great. Now you don´t need to squeze that one

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML