when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, “You’re going to need more than that to cover up that face.” FML

You should apreciate the feedback though

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, “just trim the dead ends” and “give me an afro” mean the same thing to a barber. FML

Well, now you have an afro.

Today, I went on a blind date with a girl. I was trying to be funny and joked, “I’ve never been on a blind date because I was afraid my date would be blind.” She started crying because she’s visually impaired and had just built up the courage to start dating. FML

Just explain to her you like visually impaired because that means you don´t have to look good.

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend’s couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I’d allowed said friend’s six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

But all your pubic-hair is still left, right?

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

So did the former Swedish prime minister (Ingvar Carlsson) so don´t worry.

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I’ve bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, “I gave you the senior’s discount.” Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

Don´t say anything. A discount is a discount.

Today, I went to get my ears pierced. While the lady who did mine was twisting my hair up, she told me her life story of how she wants to be a pro hairstylist. She then spent 45 minutes playing with my hair. By the time she was done, it was time for them to close. I never got my ears pierced. FML

Worse if you had gone to a hairdresser and got your ears pierced

Good thing you didn´t wear clogs

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

Oh, don´t cry. Take it like a man

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, “How are you ladies doing tonight?” It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

Great. You have the right look for halloween

Today, I was fired from my job because I would “scare” the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML