Today, I decided to ride my bike for the first time in over a year. It was seemingly going well, until I got to the first hill. As I began to ascend, I was trying a bit to hard and shit my pants, 8 kilometers away from my house. FML
Great. That will be a soft ride home.
Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML
No complaining. Problem solved.
Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it’s right across from a frequently used railway line. FML
Oh, just ask them to move the railway.
Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML
Just put a sign “closed” at the door. Try to lock the door, cover the windows and take a nap in an well hidden place.
Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML
See, accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior could have helped you out a lot there.
Today, I woke up and realized I didn’t start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won’t turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML
At least you are alive. Your fishes are not.
Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML
Great thing it was just a false alarm. If your house had burnt down. Then your life would have sucked.
At least if it had burned down after you finished cleaning…
Today, I woke up hungover, locked in my bathroom. This wouldn’t be a problem, except in my drunken stupor, I snapped the key. I live alone and there’s no windows. FML
No windows. Good Noone have seen you in ther in your misery.
That dosn´t meen you have a secret roommate. You might just be a Little dementet.
Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML
Good thing you don´t have so much stuff this time
Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he’s selling the building and I’ve got 30 days to vacate. FML