Today, on the way to an exam, I got hit by a car. I got back up and limped to class. The teacher wouldn’t let me in because I was 10 seconds late. FML
You don´t need an exam to take a job as a stuntman.
Just hold the hammer in the handle next time and you will be fine.
Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I’m supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I’ve spent two years in the audition process for. FML
Good thing you can fly and don´t have to walk all the way.
Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML
Ok, but did you got the job?
Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML
At least got sex. 90 degrees is a lot though….
Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML
Well, you could probably ask for indemnity from yourself for causing that accident…
Today, at 3 in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I’d made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
I can´t stop laughing and in an 50 years or so you will laugh to.
Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I’ve used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML
Don´t worry. You are already in a wheelchair.
Just don´t keep the jellyfish in your underwear.
Today, it’s the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML
If you filmed it you will be famous at youtube.