Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, “What you gonna do, old man?” attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML
So what, he fucked up his face and neck permanently.
Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML
Just borrow a phone, dial your own number and ask him to give the stuff back.
It won´t cost you so much to buy new ones… You might not get so much from your insurancecompany though.
Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I’m in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML
Yea, from now on the life of the venue owner sucks more than yours.
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn’t cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my “Handicapped parking” placard. Guess why I couldn’t stop her. FML