fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

Ask for some money and you can go out and buy yourself what you are wishing for your birthday.

Today, my boyfriend’s tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

You still have a second nipple

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn’t believe in “not eating meat.” FML

Don´t bother about it. In a crises he would be to no help but rather eat you.

Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn’t necessary to tell me, she just assumed I’d figure it out on my own. FML

And so you did…

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

You still havn´t told us how he is doing. (And if you are still together.)

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

One step clooser beeing a friend with benefits.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she dreamt I slept with her brother. But I am not gay. FML

You still have your brother that loves you.

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML

Good. Just continue playing hard to get.

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse…. “Just marking my territory.” FML

Oh, that is so cute… He don´t wan´t anybody else to have you… Or wait… dump him…

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He’s into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that’s my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn’t exist.” FML

Maybee not yet but…