Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML
Ask for some money and you can go out and buy yourself what you are wishing for your birthday.
You still have a second nipple
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn’t believe in “not eating meat.” FML
Don´t bother about it. In a crises he would be to no help but rather eat you.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn’t necessary to tell me, she just assumed I’d figure it out on my own. FML
And so you did…
Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML
You still havn´t told us how he is doing. (And if you are still together.)
Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML
One step clooser beeing a friend with benefits.
You still have your brother that loves you.
Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML
Good. Just continue playing hard to get.
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse…. “Just marking my territory.” FML
Oh, that is so cute… He don´t wan´t anybody else to have you… Or wait… dump him…
Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He’s into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that’s my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn’t exist.” FML
Maybee not yet but…