Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML
Ok, but did you got the job?
Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML
At least got sex. 90 degrees is a lot though….
Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML
Well, you could probably ask for indemnity from yourself for causing that accident…
Today, at 3 in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I’d made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
I can´t stop laughing and in an 50 years or so you will laugh to.
Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I’ve used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML
Don´t worry. You are already in a wheelchair.
Just don´t keep the jellyfish in your underwear.
Today, it’s the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML
If you filmed it you will be famous at youtube.
Next time maybe. Maybe next time…
Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald’s. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML
If you have an insurance, it might cover some of this. Oh, yes you need to tell them exactly what happened…