fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I was at the Wendy’s drive-through with my four kids in the car. As the worker handed me my food through the window, a man wearing a ski mask ran right between us, snatched the bags of food and took off. They refused to refund me for the food, because they said I staged the whole thing. FML

Well, you probably did. Otherwhise how hard would it be following a runing man with your car?

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my “friend” made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

Good thing you had a reaction so she didn´t proved you wrong.

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

Maybee it was not a good salad dressing. Now you know that and can replace it with another one.

Today my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

Yea, it might take a couple of exposures though…

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said “You’re having salad.” FML

Well, two good things, you don´t have to think more about that, and you will get a heathy meal…

Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML

All knowledge is good knowledge

That one beer wouldn´t had made you drunk anyway

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

You wan´t gain weight today

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

Just a little extra protein on that serving

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

You got some good exercise today. And yea, don´t forget you need to et some groceries

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML