Great. Some extra holidays.
Today, I almost paid off my credit card. Then, a couple of hours later, my air conditioner broke. Found out it’s 12 years-old and leaking Freon. I’m going to have to get a whole new unit, which will cost me $6,500 to $10,050. FML
Good thing you had space on your creditcard.
Today, I got home to some mad woman in my yard screaming about pregnancy and rape, and I almost had a heart attack thinking my son was being accused of some terrible crime. Turns out she was accusing my 15-year-old tomcat of impregnating her prize winning white fluff-ball of a cat. FML
Just tell her your cat has good genes for longevity
Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I’d woken up from, because it’s been three months since I’ve worked at that call center. FML
Great. Don´t forget to pick up your paycheck.
Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn’t be getting the vaccine because he “won’t be controlled by the government.” Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML
Great. If he is so careful with not getting the disease he won´t need the vaccine.
Today, I went out to eat with my friends. When the bill came, all 3 of them had “inconveniently” forgot their wallets at home. I ended up having to pay. It was a $178 check. FML
Good thing you didn´t forgot your wallet. Then you would have to do the dishes.
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
That´s true love.
Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML
Don´t worry. Guys find that sexy.
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a “real n**ga” and “getting bitches and hoes 24/7.” My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Oh, just apply for another job. Maybe as a pimp so you won´t even have to change your resume.
Today, I found that the only two people I’ve ever been in love with fell in love with one another. FML
So your son loves his grandmother? Nothing wrong with that. Or did I got something wrong here?