Today, I woke up and realized I didn’t start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won’t turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML
At least you are alive. Your fishes are not.
Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML
At least you didn´t got your car egged by no reason.
Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML
She should be happy after you spent so much money at her gift.
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Well, if you forgive your wife you still might have your family.
Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML
Well, you didn´t break your legs so you could still try that leg exercise.
Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend’s place and forgotten. FML
If your car was stolen. Then it would have sucked, due to others evilness. Now it sucks due to your own stupidness. Which sucks. But still not that bad.
Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents’ house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML
That is priorities my friend. A collage education will be over in 4 years. A roof top will last much longer.
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn’t find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Just go to the interview with a burka.
Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML
Good thing he didn´t died in that accident. That would have been confusing to figure out if he died in the accident or if he actually already was dead, driving around in this car.
It won´t cost you so much to buy new ones… You might not get so much from your insurancecompany though.