when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

Great. Next time you might ejaculate as well.

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

Are you sure it was a Dildo. Otherwhise much worse for the guy to whom that penis belonged.

Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML

Don´t worry, it should be quit a few knowing first aid around.

Today, multiple people pushed me out of the way to get a seat on the metro. I’m five months pregnant. FML

Five months is just past half of the pregnancy. And I bet some of them was bigger than you…

Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a “Fuck you!” It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML

He said hi, and so did you. In your way.

Today, I learned that there’s a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

Oh Memories.

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

Oh, just tell her it was a prank and she will say that she had understood it and that her confession was a prank to… and it will all be forgotten… not… but oh well…

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says “yes hun…oh God sorry”…that’s how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend’s mom. FML

That´s an embarrassing story, but there is at least two other people in this story that should be more embarrased then you…

Today my very new BF took me to meet his friends for the first time. I unexpectently got my period on their brand new white leather chair. FML.

Don´t worry, just blame someone else…

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom’s gynecologist. FML

I don´t know for whom this situation is the most embarrasing, but it´s not for you.