Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because “I’m not paid to automate stuff, I’m paid to work”. FML
Just not tell him, and you can watch funny things on the internet, while your automation-process do the work.
Today, my boss told me to sort and file all the paperwork he’d been randomly shoving into boxes since 2010. Apparently we’re being audited, so he expects me to do eight years of filing in two weeks. There’s enough paper to fully stock a large public library. Two weeks my ass. FML
Just buy a lottery-ticket and if you win you can tell your boss to do the work himself.
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Well, if you forgive your wife you still might have your family.
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn’t find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Just go to the interview with a burka.
Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I’ve received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it’s the best way to improve the company. FML
Great. So the business is going on just fine.
Today, I started my new job as a UPS delivery guy. I successfully delivered only 3 out of the 25 packages: One to my ex and his new boyfriend, one to an elderly lady who pissed herself because I “rang the bell too loud” and one to a little girl who screamed, “Stranger danger!” FML
Oh, well you could probably get of your shift early.
Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML
Don´t worry, it should be quit a few knowing first aid around.
Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a “Fuck you!” It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML
He said hi, and so did you. In your way.
Don´t worry. Constipation will probably be one of the conditions under the law of discrimination in the future.
Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who’d hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML
Now you can go back doing whatever you did before.