fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

One of them isn´t that bad as the other one.

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

You could have said “Your yellow skin”

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I’d fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. “Your eyes” was definitely the wrong answer. FML

Good. It´s healthy with a fast once in a while

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

You don´t say you saw stars when you kissed?

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

Fuck..? No or yes… But you got no symphaties here.

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he’s only 18. I’m old enough to be his mom. FML

Great. To much cosset want do you good anyway

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

Great, now you know that method works

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I’d just showed him. FML

It could have been a worse caracter…

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I’m 37 and still can’t pass my driver’s test. FML

Don´t say anything negative about brown people or brown food. It may be seen as racist

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

Grey is also a collor

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, “End the segregation, mom.” FML