Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML
Don´t worry you can buy a used one when the semester is over.
Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn’t dare to tell me. FML
Well now you know.
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I’m staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Great. Now you can focus on your studies.
Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML
That gives you a perfectly fine excuse not to do the test
Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents’ house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML
That is priorities my friend. A collage education will be over in 4 years. A roof top will last much longer.
Today, I was looking through my university email searching for a specific message. That’s when I found an email from back in January saying I won the giveaway the school’s gym held for a GoPro. It’s now May. FML
Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML
Just go talk to him again. He can´t make it much lower.
Today, I can remember dozens of serial killers, their victims, the way they killed, the length of their prison sentences, and anything else about them, but nothing related to my upcoming science test. FML
Just take a course in criminology instead.
Today, I received the honorary title of “student of the month,” because I’m the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML