fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Good idea to fight small people

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I’m the instructor. FML

It could have been your groin

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

A typical crazy scientist

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

Good thing is you don´t need to worry about your information will get in wrong hands

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn’t expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

If you agree there is an opening to get out of the relationship

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I’m cheating on him, with my brother. FML

It´s not the exam that is important, it´s the knowledge you get

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to “get rid of distractions”. I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

If you had hit him. Then you would have been in trouble

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, “Don’t you hit me, you asshole!” Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

Congratulations. You can call him Jesus

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother’s ego has never been bigger. FML

Yes, why?

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he’ll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn’t expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, “Why can’t you keep your fucking legs closed?” FML

Don´t answer, it could be someone you don´t like that much

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML