fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won’t hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to “discover himself” 12 years ago. FML

Well, a wife with that kind of demands is not much to have so you might just aply for the divorce first.

Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I’m starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML

Just go to bed and see what happens.

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I’ve just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents’ place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

Or invite your parents to lunch at a nearby place for $18, and by the way ask them to bring that extra key.

Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school’s alumni association for my recent passing. I’m still alive! FML

Stop complaining. What about your mum? Or if the card where true!

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swinger party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

Next time you don´t need to drive so long to find another swinger-couple. Just go to your parents house.

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she’d had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

Maybee she had thought the coworker was gay

And now your line is “- So did they back in the days to, obviously”.

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I’d quite like to have kids someday. She responded: “Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don’t they?” FML

You wan´t gain weight today

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

Good idea to fight small people

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I’m the instructor. FML

It could have been your groin

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML