Just stop calling him. Forever.
Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML
At least you are not seasick and had to throw up under the water like your wife.
Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine’s Day. FML
Just find another date with the same name.
Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle’s cap off. FML
Sorry to tell you. The worst thing is not that you have pee in your boat, but that you have a stupid girlfriend.
Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, “sorry, little man”. Turns out he actually was a “little person”. FML
You said exactly right. Little. man.
Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, “turn the damn music back on.” She replied, “Now calling Afton.” Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML
I´m sure you had something to say to Afton.
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, “Rape isn’t bad if you think about it.” FML
Honesty is one of the qualities most people apreciate in a relationship.
Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML
Oh, that´s nothing. Today when standing in a line someone ripped a hair out of my head. Hurts like hell…
Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn’t let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML
It could have been more embarrasing if you were a boy.
Today, when I asked my husband to join me In the shower to “save water”, he said, “let the environment suffer, not me.” FML
He probably just is allergic to water.