Today, as it’s my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML
Well, porn can actually spice up the sexlife so you should be happy.
Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML
Great. Now you have several reasons to break up.
Today, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. Since I’m bad at writing, I took a list from the internet titled “100 Things That I Love About You” and gave it to him to read while I read what he wrote for me. It was exactly the same thing, taken from the same page. FML
Cheers up. You guys were so ment for each other…
Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won’t hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to “discover himself” 12 years ago. FML
Well, a wife with that kind of demands is not much to have so you might just aply for the divorce first.
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we “agreed to only have one child”. Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
You could have one each…
Just stop calling him. Forever.
Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML
At least you are not seasick and had to throw up under the water like your wife.
Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine’s Day. FML
Just find another date with the same name.
Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle’s cap off. FML
Sorry to tell you. The worst thing is not that you have pee in your boat, but that you have a stupid girlfriend.
Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, “sorry, little man”. Turns out he actually was a “little person”. FML
You said exactly right. Little. man.