Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn’t let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML
It could have been more embarrasing if you were a boy.
Today, when I asked my husband to join me In the shower to “save water”, he said, “let the environment suffer, not me.” FML
He probably just is allergic to water.
Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she’d had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML
Maybee she had thought the coworker was gay
You should be happy getting some quality-time with your daughters. In fifteen years they want be celebrating with you.
Today, I had my daughters for New Year’s Eve, since my ex-wife and her boyfriend were laid up with bad colds. According to Facebook, however, they were having a great evening out at the bar toasting in the New Year. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, “I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It’s not you it’s me.” FML
Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there’s a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can’t get it up because I smell like his mum. FML
Today, I was crying and telling my boyfriend about my problems. When he suddenly stood up, I thought that he was going to grab me some tissues. Turns out he’d gone to get earplugs. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML
Today, my boyfriend was truly upset because I refused to pee on him. FML
Today, I learned that marriage isn’t all roses and sunshine. Instead, it’s digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband’s ass cheek because he can’t reach it himself. FML