fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

Hope you at least won the game.

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife’s period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

Just wait til she wants your beard to grow.

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister’s wedding, because he didn’t want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

Just wait a couple of days and he will probably be willing to get back to you…

Today, multiple people pushed me out of the way to get a seat on the metro. I’m five months pregnant. FML

Five months is just past half of the pregnancy. And I bet some of them was bigger than you…

Today, I learned that there’s a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

Oh Memories.

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

Oh, just tell her it was a prank and she will say that she had understood it and that her confession was a prank to… and it will all be forgotten… not… but oh well…

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says “yes hun…oh God sorry”…that’s how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend’s mom. FML

That´s an embarrassing story, but there is at least two other people in this story that should be more embarrased then you…

Today my very new BF took me to meet his friends for the first time. I unexpectently got my period on their brand new white leather chair. FML.

Don´t worry, just blame someone else…

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom’s gynecologist. FML

I don´t know for whom this situation is the most embarrasing, but it´s not for you.

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

No problems. It could have happened before you broke up.