fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I accidentally sent a dick pic to my coach instead of my girlfriend. He sent one back. FML

Well, just send it to your whole contactlist. You might get some more.

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine’s Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who’s newly single right before Valentine’s Day! FML

Hmm… His wife?

Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn’t come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor’s office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML

Maybee he just got an extra work as a doula…

Today, I accompanied a friend to the hospital to visit the guy I like, who was just out of surgery and still high. When he asked who we were, my friend immediately said that I was his wife. He then started bawling, saying, “Oh God! No! What did I do to deserve this?!?” FML

Just put him back to sleep and you can make a better first impression next time.

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

Neither have your dad.

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

Well. I guess she is right. Especially when you will definitely need a funeral later on, even if you take the surgery.

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

Might have been a very rare one.

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said “You’re having salad.” FML

Well, two good things, you don´t have to think more about that, and you will get a heathy meal…

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

At least you didn´t got your car egged by no reason.

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

Hope you at least won the game.