fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Never mind. You earned $140

Today, to prove a point to my brother that playing the lotto isn’t a sure thing. I got a $10 scratcher. Thinking I’d get nothing or maybe just another scratcher, I ended up winning a free scratcher plus $100. The second scratcher I got an additional $50. Now he’s even more confident to win every time. FML

Don´t worry, the money is still there

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

Good. It will probably break soon

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

Good thing you didn´t use cash

Today, I lost a book. I’d used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

Would you like an extra income or a boyfriend

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

If there is a similar adress in austria, there might be a surprised happy guy over there

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

You can still walk. That will save you some gasoline

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can’t get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

Don´t complain. Take some of the free stuff before it´s empty

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a “free stuff” sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

Hopefully he didn´t happen to bring a weapon.

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

Close down business or keep quiet and open a sucessfull farmacy to

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They’d spread. FML