Today, I went on a blind date with a girl. I was trying to be funny and joked, “I’ve never been on a blind date because I was afraid my date would be blind.” She started crying because she’s visually impaired and had just built up the courage to start dating. FML
Just explain to her you like visually impaired because that means you don´t have to look good.
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend’s couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I’d allowed said friend’s six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
But all your pubic-hair is still left, right?
So did the former Swedish prime minister (Ingvar Carlsson) so don´t worry.
Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I’ve bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, “I gave you the senior’s discount.” Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML
Don´t say anything. A discount is a discount.
Today, I went to get my ears pierced. While the lady who did mine was twisting my hair up, she told me her life story of how she wants to be a pro hairstylist. She then spent 45 minutes playing with my hair. By the time she was done, it was time for them to close. I never got my ears pierced. FML
Worse if you had gone to a hairdresser and got your ears pierced
Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML
Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, “How are you ladies doing tonight?” It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML
Today, I was fired from my job because I would “scare” the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML
Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML
Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn’t have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML