when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend’s couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I’d allowed said friend’s six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

But all your pubic-hair is still left, right?

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

So did the former Swedish prime minister (Ingvar Carlsson) so don´t worry.

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I’ve bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, “I gave you the senior’s discount.” Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

Don´t say anything. A discount is a discount.

Today, I went to get my ears pierced. While the lady who did mine was twisting my hair up, she told me her life story of how she wants to be a pro hairstylist. She then spent 45 minutes playing with my hair. By the time she was done, it was time for them to close. I never got my ears pierced. FML

Worse if you had gone to a hairdresser and got your ears pierced

Good thing you didn´t wear clogs

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

Oh, don´t cry. Take it like a man

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, “How are you ladies doing tonight?” It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

Great. You have the right look for halloween

Today, I was fired from my job because I would “scare” the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

One of them isn´t that bad as the other one.

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

At least he didn´t charge you for it

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn’t have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

That´s great. Just remember to put something else on tomorrow

Today, I tried to boycott an 80’s theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML