fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn’t buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML

Now you know how to be the best dad ever.

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

All good. It´s not good to drink so much while breastfeeding either so good thing you didn´t swallowed all that wine.

That´s totally normal. By the way. Can you send a Picture?

Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I’m too nervous to take pictures of her ’cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML

Don´t worry. It will probably not be an transvestite

Today, I got called a “politically correct loser” by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn’t want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

Hackers don´t need grades

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school’s computers to change his midterm, but isn’t smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

Better go to a standup show next time

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

What daddy says is always true

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won’t grow big and tall if she doesn’t eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

At least some of the lawn was cut

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It’s a self-propelling mower so it’s easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn’t have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor’s pool. FML