Today, I got slapped by a woman standing in front of me in line after a little kid grabbed her butt. FML
Just do the same to a girl another time and blame the kid.
Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn’t buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML
Now you know how to be the best dad ever.
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
All good. It´s not good to drink so much while breastfeeding either so good thing you didn´t swallowed all that wine.
Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I’m too nervous to take pictures of her ’cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML
Today, I got called a “politically correct loser” by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn’t want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML
Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school’s computers to change his midterm, but isn’t smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML
Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won’t grow big and tall if she doesn’t eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It’s a self-propelling mower so it’s easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn’t have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor’s pool. FML