when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald’s. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

If you have an insurance, it might cover some of this. Oh, yes you need to tell them exactly what happened…

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for “lying” about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

Great. There you showed her.

You have no idea what he uses to do with that dog toy. Neither have the dog.

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was “sex related”. I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

Good thing it wasn´t the thumb

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn’t mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

At least you have two functionally ears

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML