fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Well, be glad you didn´t cried so hard you broke a blood vessel in your ass

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

Good thing the ambulance didn´t turned up yet

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

Good thing you got rid of the original cramps

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I’m being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

Maybee he would rather have a working stomach than a working brain

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

So the panic attack is better now?

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

Just feel it, stupid.

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she’d found a strange lump on. I’m an orthodontist. FML

Don´t ever try chess or other dangerous sports

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

At least the teeth are clean

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

You should have made the medicine from what you had at home

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was “spotted” out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML