fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

Well, don´t worry. Periodic fast is healthy too.

Today, I told my dad I had depression. He responded with, “Why do all gay people have depression?” I’m not gay. FML

So, why are you depressed?

Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn’t hurt so much. Now I can’t even go for a leisurely walk. FML

You can still do pushups.

Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML

Good enough.

Today, in an attempt to wash off some stress, I tried out a stress-reliever coloring book. I ended up not being able to color inside the lines, stressing me out even more as a result. FML

You can get a kids coloring book next time. There it´s easier to color inside the lines.

But no sign of infection in the bladder, right?

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I’ve been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

Now you have a good story

Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn’t deliver. FML

Everyone is happy, so what are you complaining about

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying “Keep doing what you’re doing”. FML

Kind of funny though…

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn’t find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

It probably did that on purpose.

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML