when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

To bad you canceled your workout. You should have just moved it. You are gonna need it.

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

Yea, I could also pay to get some time for myself…

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

See, accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior could have helped you out a lot there.

Today I returned home after three months of vacation. None of my friends had even realized I had left. FML

Next time, just send them postcards and they will know…

Today, I hosted my 6-year-old daughter’s birthday party. After inviting 15 kids from her class, making a huge 2-flavor character cake, and cutting pool noodles for light sabers, only 1 kid showed up. FML

One friend is not so bad those days. And now you have cake for several days.

Who said it was you that were in the wrong town and not your friend? (Or just order and talk to each other on the phone)

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

Don´t worry, you sure will get it

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, “I like creamy white stuff.” The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

If you say yes and look creapy next time they ask if you plan to kill them, them might not come that often

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they’re welcome back anytime. FML

You could get a cat and call up and talk to random people about it

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he “just won’t use the darn litter pan.” I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

Don´t worry. You will either have a job or a friend left.

Today, I found out that my best friend is being sacked. He’s also about to rent a new apartment which he won’t be able to afford when he loses his job. I can’t warn him or I’ll breach confidentiality and lose my job as well. FML