fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML

All knowledge is good knowledge

That one beer wouldn´t had made you drunk anyway

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

You wan´t gain weight today

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

Just a little extra protein on that serving

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

You got some good exercise today. And yea, don´t forget you need to et some groceries

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

Just go back and make another order. Promise they wan´t recognise you. (Not)

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn’t feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn’t realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

Refreshing, isn´t it?

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I’d patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

Good. It´s healthy with a fast once in a while

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

I totally understand how she is thinking

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. “You know, like kosher.” FML

Next time, leave out that last procedure and you will be fine

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML