Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who’d hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML
Now you can go back doing whatever you did before.
Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML
Good thing it wasn´t a lion.
Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker’s extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker’s efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML
It is all about timing you know.
Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML
Just go talk to him again. He can´t make it much lower.
Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn’t hurt so much. Now I can’t even go for a leisurely walk. FML
You can still do pushups.
Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine’s Day. FML
Just find another date with the same name.
Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML
You had only one boss, but will have plenty of clients. Sorry that´s not very elevating
Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle’s cap off. FML
Sorry to tell you. The worst thing is not that you have pee in your boat, but that you have a stupid girlfriend.
Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, “sorry, little man”. Turns out he actually was a “little person”. FML
You said exactly right. Little. man.