when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

So what did your grandparents said..?

Today, I was looking at my boyfriend’s rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, “Still looking for that perfect girl.” I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, “Why? It’s still true.” FML

Just try a little bit harder.

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my “friend” made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

Good thing you had a reaction so she didn´t proved you wrong.

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a “terrorist” and other names by a customer ‘behind my back’. I made him the best sandwich I’d ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, “Your total is $9.11.” FML

You will probably get a tip.

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I’m dating his daughter. Now I’m concerned what he might do if he finds out she’s pregnant with my child. FML

He will probably hire you again so the child gets an financial safe growth

Today, I went to my boyfriend’s house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I’ve been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

Oh, one is all you need for tonight. You can get more at the store tomorrow.

Today, at 3 in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I’d made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I can´t stop laughing and in an 50 years or so you will laugh to.

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I’m pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

No problem. You might wan´t to do a maternity-test at the same time.

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

Stop complaining or you will need to wait another 12 hours.

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I’ve used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

Don´t worry. You are already in a wheelchair.