Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won’t hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to “discover himself” 12 years ago. FML
Well, a wife with that kind of demands is not much to have so you might just aply for the divorce first.
Today, my four-year-old son received a 20 Euro bill from his grandmother. Since he couldn’t fit the bill into his piggy bank, he tore it up into a bunch of tiny pieces to make it fit. FML
So, don´t worry, what have this to do with your life?
Don´t worry. Constipation will probably be one of the conditions under the law of discrimination in the future.
Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn’t dead. FML
Don´t worry. You should be able to talk you out of the situation and you will be released.
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML
Just get rid of your ass virginity before tomorrow and he might not be interested.
Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML
Just bring out the saw and get to work.
Today, I was looking through my university email searching for a specific message. That’s when I found an email from back in January saying I won the giveaway the school’s gym held for a GoPro. It’s now May. FML
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we “agreed to only have one child”. Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
You could have one each…
Today I returned home after three months of vacation. None of my friends had even realized I had left. FML
Next time, just send them postcards and they will know…
Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML
That´s not against the rules and could give you an advantage so just keep playing. Winning is everything. Reputation is nothing.