when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

Just take the car at your spot.

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

Alright then. No problem.

Today, my boyfriend’s tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

You still have a second nipple

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

Just borrow a phone, dial your own number and ask him to give the stuff back.

Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML

Just sing a song instead.

Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML

Well, you could probably ask for indemnity from yourself for causing that accident…

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn’t believe in “not eating meat.” FML

Don´t bother about it. In a crises he would be to no help but rather eat you.

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to “unwanted” in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

They probably didn´t pick up that much of the language when they were there…

Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn’t necessary to tell me, she just assumed I’d figure it out on my own. FML

And so you did…

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald’s, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn’t until I got home later that I realized I’d accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

Next time you pass him. Just take $90 back from the case. He will understand.