Today, after 4 years of trying to help my husband with his gambling and drug addictions I was dumped for a homeless, drug addict with outstanding criminal warrants…and they are living in one of my cars. FML
Now you have one problem less.
Today, I have to pay my college an extra $1000 because there is a $20 charge every time you get locked out of your room and I have an extremely poor short-term memmory. I am also only allowed to have exactly one keycard at any given time. FML
That explains how they could have such a low tuition fee.
Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical bystanding woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was blank staring. FML
You better take a good look at her ass when she walks away now that you have got the punishment for it.
Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML
You might just have submitted it but with all the answers wrong.
Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML
You have the ceiling-fan at the wall?
Now you can finally understand that awkward smile your parent had on their faces when you told that joke…
Today I was at work, went to have a smoke in the designated area and didn’t realise until it was too late that my stomach flu wanted to have a go on the toilet. I stood pacing around and then once it was too late I realised, it wasn’t a fart… FML
Well, there might be a couple of jokes that the designated smoke area is not a toilet but it will be over in a couple of years or so…
Today I was to start a new job after a long search. To celebrate, I ate a spicy bowl of noodles from I shop near to my house. This morning I ignored the urge to poop and drove to work. When I got there, I got out of the car and immediately crapped myself. Diarrhea. Fired. FML
Go to the noodle-shop and tell the manager what happened and there might be an opening for you there.
Let me suggest you choose the medicine. It is some sugar in the pills so you will get some carbs to…