when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Wow. That´s all the cliches in one message.

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, “I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It’s not you it’s me.” FML

You could always teach him some crap that destroys everything

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his “far superior” Excel skills. I’m now teaching him how to do the job that I didn’t get. FML

Who said it was you that were in the wrong town and not your friend? (Or just order and talk to each other on the phone)

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

Good for you. In that case it would have been worse if he had got a boner.

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there’s a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can’t get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

Don´t worry. You are probably the president

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven’t been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

Don´t worry. He could get a pair for you to

Today, I was crying and telling my boyfriend about my problems. When he suddenly stood up, I thought that he was going to grab me some tissues. Turns out he’d gone to get earplugs. FML

Don´t worry, you will probably get a second chance in a couple of weeks

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

Don´t complain as long as no pee is on you

Today, my boyfriend was truly upset because I refused to pee on him. FML

Take it easy. Next time he will help you pick out yours.

Today, I learned that marriage isn’t all roses and sunshine. Instead, it’s digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband’s ass cheek because he can’t reach it himself. FML

And now your line is “- So did they back in the days to, obviously”.

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I’d quite like to have kids someday. She responded: “Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don’t they?” FML