Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML
Well, you could probably ask for indemnity from yourself for causing that accident…
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn’t believe in “not eating meat.” FML
Don´t bother about it. In a crises he would be to no help but rather eat you.
Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to “unwanted” in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML
They probably didn´t pick up that much of the language when they were there…
Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn’t necessary to tell me, she just assumed I’d figure it out on my own. FML
And so you did…
Today, as I was coming out of McDonald’s, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn’t until I got home later that I realized I’d accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML
Next time you pass him. Just take $90 back from the case. He will understand.
Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn’t taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what’s up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML
Better mix up the cards than mixing up the diesel and gasoline…
That what loans are for.
Today, I bought my first vibrator, which I have to hide cause my mom is super uptight and thinks all forms of pleasure are immoral. Unfortunately, she found it within 5 minutes of me hiding it and grounded me for a month, but that night, I actually caught her using it. I’m still grounded, hypocritical woman. FML
No problem beeing grounded if there is a vibrator in the house.
Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men’s section. Dad said: “You don’t want those, they are for men.” I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: “Men have a penis!” FML
Now you know.
Today, while in class our exchange student turned to quietly ask “have you got a rubber?” Shocked but trying to be nice I reached in my purse and discreetly handed her a condom. She looked horrified and moved seats. It was later explained to me that in Europe a rubber is actually an eraser. FML
Yea, but why would she need an eraser in classroom…