fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

Don´t worry you can buy a used one when the semester is over.

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn’t catch the customer. FML

Don´t worry. Now you have one happy customer.

Today, I met my daughter’s first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

Good thing you didn´t gave hime a big bears hug.

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed “I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!” I need a new church. FML

Yes you do.

Today, my boyfriend told me, while cuddling, that I am “just not sexy”. I try to seduce him regularly, but he always turns me down. But I should feel flattered: it proves how much he loves me, since he stays with me anyway. FML

Right. Or he could not get a sexy girlfriend.

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn’t dare to tell me. FML

Well now you know.

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

Just put a sign “closed” at the door. Try to lock the door, cover the windows and take a nap in an well hidden place.

Today, I finally got home after not seeing my husband for a few months because of work. He grew an enormous ginger moustache like Yosemite Sam. After months apart, we are now arguing because he refuses to shave and I refuse to kiss him until he does. FML

What about sexual intercource?

Today, my sister couldn’t find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

Great. Now you know where it is til next time.

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to “mixed” aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

You are the brave guy, following your desire. (Or were you just out for the asses?) Well a bit goosy though. Sorry.