fml.nu

when life sucks… You can always see it from the bright side

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

That´s actually good. You wan´t an accident to happen at the restaurant.

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it’s mine. FML

Well, whose else would it be…

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

Just send a nude video back and then. Ha ha you got him.

Today, my boyfriend’s parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. FML

No problem you still had your pants on. Or…

Today, my ex-boyfriend text me saying ‘I love you’, so stupidly, I was very excited and replied with ‘finally, I still love you’, to which he replied ‘wrong number sorry, I don’t love you.’ FML

How sweet of him to say sorry.

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

So what did your grandparents said..?

Today, I was looking at my boyfriend’s rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, “Still looking for that perfect girl.” I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, “Why? It’s still true.” FML

Just try a little bit harder.

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my “friend” made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

Good thing you had a reaction so she didn´t proved you wrong.

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a “terrorist” and other names by a customer ‘behind my back’. I made him the best sandwich I’d ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, “Your total is $9.11.” FML

You will probably get a tip.

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I’m dating his daughter. Now I’m concerned what he might do if he finds out she’s pregnant with my child. FML

He will probably hire you again so the child gets an financial safe growth