Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn’t necessary to tell me, she just assumed I’d figure it out on my own. FML
And so you did…
Today, as I was coming out of McDonald’s, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn’t until I got home later that I realized I’d accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML
Next time you pass him. Just take $90 back from the case. He will understand.
Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn’t taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what’s up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML
Better mix up the cards than mixing up the diesel and gasoline…
That what loans are for.
Today, I bought my first vibrator, which I have to hide cause my mom is super uptight and thinks all forms of pleasure are immoral. Unfortunately, she found it within 5 minutes of me hiding it and grounded me for a month, but that night, I actually caught her using it. I’m still grounded, hypocritical woman. FML
No problem beeing grounded if there is a vibrator in the house.
Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men’s section. Dad said: “You don’t want those, they are for men.” I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: “Men have a penis!” FML
Now you know.
Today, while in class our exchange student turned to quietly ask “have you got a rubber?” Shocked but trying to be nice I reached in my purse and discreetly handed her a condom. She looked horrified and moved seats. It was later explained to me that in Europe a rubber is actually an eraser. FML
Yea, but why would she need an eraser in classroom…
That saves you a lot of time though…
Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML
You still havn´t told us how he is doing. (And if you are still together.)
Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML
One step clooser beeing a friend with benefits.