Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn’t hurt so much. Now I can’t even go for a leisurely walk. FML
You can still do pushups.
Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine’s Day. FML
Just find another date with the same name.
Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML
You had only one boss, but will have plenty of clients. Sorry that´s not very elevating
Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle’s cap off. FML
Sorry to tell you. The worst thing is not that you have pee in your boat, but that you have a stupid girlfriend.
Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, “sorry, little man”. Turns out he actually was a “little person”. FML
You said exactly right. Little. man.
Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML
That´s still cheaper then the food she usually gives her.
Today, I have a better relationship with the machinery I’ve given names to at work than my actual coworkers. FML
They will soon be replaced by robots anyway.
Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, “turn the damn music back on.” She replied, “Now calling Afton.” Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML
I´m sure you had something to say to Afton.
So did the former Swedish prime minister (Ingvar Carlsson) so don´t worry.